


Lose My Mind

by misterprince, thefalloutalleyouthzone



Category: Given (Manga)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Meet the Family, Post-Canon, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:41:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22893472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misterprince/pseuds/misterprince, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefalloutalleyouthzone/pseuds/thefalloutalleyouthzone
Summary: “Ugetsu messaged.” Akihiko sighed.“Ah." Haruki looked down at the box he was holding, "' Didn’t know you two were still in contact...”“We aren’t really, but he messaged out of nowhere.” Akihiko shrugged.“I see. What did he want?”“Said he bought this furniture but needs help with it.”“So he asked you for help and you agreed to go?” Haruki asked.Akihiko wasn't sure if he was imagining it but he could sense some hostility in those words. “I mean I figured he must be desperate since he reached out to me and probably doesn’t have anyone else.”
Relationships: Kaji Akihiko/Nakayama Haruki
Comments: 22
Kudos: 93





	Lose My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> 'Cause I only lose my mind when I ain't got you  
> And how can I not win when I'm always bound to lose?  
> When I'm always bound to  
> 'Cause I tried to hold on tight to make you mine, but I lost each time  
> And I only lose my mind when I ain't got you
> 
> \- Lose My Mind by Dean Lewis

Haruki stepped inside the warm, cozy coffee shop and walked over to the counter, ordering the coffee instead of taking the order himself. He made sure to get two, one for himself and one for Akihiko, knowing how much his boyfriend ran on caffeine to stay awake in the afternoon. There were only a couple of days left until Valentine’s Day and Akihiko wanted to meet Haruki’s older sister, taking the relationship to the next level. It was Akihiko's suggestion and Haruki could easily remember how hard he blushed at it. He had been doing that a lot lately- blushing. Every time he thought about how he was Akihiko's boyfriend or when Akihiko would lightly brush his fingers across any part of his body; it sent a shiver down his spine and made his cheeks go red with warmth. He thought he was doomed to have an unrequited love for Akihiko forever. But so much has changed. Akihiko confessed to him. He, of all people, and explained how he wanted to become a better person for Haruki. Just thinking about it now made Haruki softly smile and feel light-headed. Worse, Akihiko would always tease him when he noticed Haruki blushing too. He would grab hold onto Haruki's hips and press him against his body whilst Haruki would squirm, embarrassed, not knowing what to do. He would also grab hold of Haruki's hair, lightly tugging it which would leave him in a complete and utter mess in more ways than one.

Haruki was knocked out of his daydreaming by someone moving past him. The barrister was waiting with the two coffee in hand. Haruki apologized and quickly thanked him, leaving a generous enough tip for the busy winter season. He scouted the coffee shop for a table and found one against the window. Haruki sat down and waited for his boyfriend to walk through the door. The plan for that day was to go shopping for kitchen supplies and then meet up with Haruki’s sister after dinner. Haruki was extremely nervous but also excited to hear what she thought of his boyfriend.

A few minutes later, Akihiko walked through the door. He looked amazing, despite his red face from the cold. It felt like Haruki was falling in love all over again just by looking at his boyfriend. He wore a brown fur jacket, black polo neck sweater, blue skinny jeans, and combat boots. His piercings stood out even more in winter, enhancing his handsome features. 

"Sorry, I’m late. Streets were packed.” Akihiko's husky voice sent shivers down Haruki's spine.

“Well, it is a busy time of day. Glad you made it, though.” Haruki smiled softly.

“Yeah...” Akihiko replicated this smile and Haruki could feel himself falling into his mesmerizing eyes. He could easily get lost in them forever. 

“Oh! This is for you." Haruki stopped staring at his boyfriend and passed him his coffee. "Thought you’d like something to keep you warm before we go and meet my sister.” 

“You know you don’t have to spend money on drinks for me, right?”

“Hush! I don’t do it every day. Plus what’s the big deal. It’s just coffee...” Haruki sipped his drink as if to further his point.

“Do you know how expensive it is though?" Akihiko frowned which Haruki always found cute. "I was even more shocked when I found out the price of the special drinks.”

“Well, I get 50% off because of my job, so no need to worry.” Haruki leaned in, whispering quietly so others didn't hear about his staff discount. He wouldn't be able to turn a stranger down if they asked to buy them a cup.

“So what? You gonna brag about that now?” Akihiko smirked, leaning as well and playfully tugged at one of Haruki's strands of hair. He had decided to grow it out again simply because Akihiko found so much joy in doing so and he did love his boyfriend playing with his hair, braiding it occasionally too. 

“No, but I’m just saying that if I wanna get my boyfriend a drink then I will,” Haruki stated, feeling a little hot under the collar because he could actually say that.

“Huh. Is that right?” Akihiko gave a shit-eating grin which made Haruki turn red.

“Yes."

“Okay, thank you.” Akihiko grinned, making Haruki's blushing worse.

“You’re welcome.” 

“So... are we gonna get going or?” Akihiko gestured leaving and Haruki nodded, standing up from his seat.

“Oh right yes. Luckily it’s not so cold today.” 

“Then why are your hands freezing?” Haruki jumped slightly at his boyfriend's warm hands entwining with his own. He was still blushing from earlier and couldn't get the blush to go down if Akihiko kept being like _this._

“I said it wasn’t ‘so cold’." Haruki mumbled, strengthening his grip on his boyfriend's hand, "Never said it wasn’t at all.” 

Akihiko softly laughed, causing Haruki's heart to sing. “Right. So what shop are we going to first?” 

“It depends... What’s the first thing you wanna buy?" Haruki questioned as they walked out of the coffee shop and into the street. "Although we could probably go to a department store first and then just look around.”

“Okay yeah.” They carried on walking down the road, not really intending on any direction. Akihiko gently swung their arms as he walked, grinning like an absolute madman. Haruki often watched what he would do before they were dating. He did it so discreetly that Akihiko had no idea and he preferred it that way slightly. Now, Akihiko would turn to look at him and catch him in the act and would always make a comment or joke about it. It made Haruki feel extremely exposed. Now and then he would doubt it all: having his crush like him back after all the years he had spent crushing on him and not having the slightest clue about it. He would think it was all one massive prank. But he also knew Akihiko would never do such a thing to hurt him. Not now.

  
  


“So I do need a new set of wine glasses and maybe a new set of dinnerware,” Haruki mentioned as they walked into the nearby department store.

“Didn’t you have one already?”

“Not really... Just got a handful of plates but they’re not really appropriate for ‘fancier’ dinners. I’m kinda looking for something more elegant.” Haruki explained.

“‘Elegant’,” Akihiko smirked.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“What is it?” 

“I said it was nothing.” 

“Aki... please.” Haruki stopped in his tracks and turned to face his boyfriend, he wanted to know what he was thinking.

Akihiko turned to face him and smiled. “You’re adorable.”

Haruki immediately felt his face burning up at the compliment. “Stop!”

“What?" Akihiko laughed, "You were the one who wanted to know what was up. Plus I’m not doing anything."

“Whatever," Haruki mumbled, his face red as they continued to walk along.

They perused around the store, trying to hunt down the kitchenware. Haruki spotted it first, a spring in his step as he walked over and started browsing the different dinner sets on offer. He noticed Akihiko wasn’t looking around as much as he was.

“Do you need to buy anything?” He asked.

“Not really.” His boyfriend shrugged, “Although maybe a couple of glasses. Been using plastic ones since I moved into the new place.” 

“Okay yeah, they definitely have a variety of sets around here. And I won’t be long though. But feel free to walk around if you want too?” Haruki smiled reassuringly, “There might be something you might like more than that. And then we can reconvene in like 30 mins or an hour?”

“Sounds good. I’ll see you in a bit.” Akihiko swiftly leaned in and pecked Haruki on the cheek. Haruki felt like his brain had short-circuited there and then. His heart was doing a million somersaults and he had to turn his face away as his teasing boyfriend laughed his way off in another direction.

***

Akihiko was still smiling from leaving his boyfriend in such an adorable state as he walked around other levels of the department store. He couldn’t believe his luck in how happy Haruki made him feel. He hadn’t been this content in a long time.

He stumbled upon a section dedicated to hair and makeup for men. He stopped and looked at the products, bewildered at how many products there were in the department store.

“I really don’t think I’ll be buying anything...” He chuckled to himself. He was about to move on when he spotted a hair braiding kit for long hair. Akihiko picked it up and looked at the different styles shown on the packet. His mind immediately cast itself to his Haruki, whose hair was growing back to its long length.

“Wonder if Haruki has one of these...” Akihiko remembered he hadn’t found anything for his boyfriend for Valentine’s Day yet and this felt perfect. It wasn’t super extravagant for Haruki to have a massive freak out, although he did enjoy seeing those because he loved Haruki’s adorable reaction, it was extremely thoughtful.

Ever since he had confessed his love for Haruki, he had been doing that a lot more, being thoughtful. He had been wanting to do a lot more things for Haruki than he ever did with his ex, Ugetsu. Neither of them ever tried to make romantic plans for Valentine’s- Akihiko soon realized it was because they never cared enough for each other even when they were dating. And they never made plans to introduce each other to family members, especially Akihiko’s.

Akihiko looked down at the hair braiding kit and smiled. Things were different now, he loved Haruki. 

He went to the checkout to pay for the kit when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket, indicating he had received a message. He quickly paid for the kit then pulled his phone out of his pocket, immediately wishing he hadn’t.

It was Ugetsu.

_Ugetsu: Are you free?_

This ought to be good.

**Akihiko: Hard to say. I’m out right now.**

_Ugetsu: Oh. Never mind then. Sorry I bothered you._

**Akihiko: What is it?**

Akihiko and Ugetsu weren’t on speaking terms yet so he felt like it had to be something important for Ugetsu to contact him.

_Ugetsu: Doesn’t matter. It’s okay. I’ll ask someone else._

**Akihiko: What is it?**

_Ugetsu: So... I ordered this furniture for the apartment but... I don’t really know how to do this. I don’t know where to begin. As you probably already know._

It was important like he suspected.

**Akihiko: Ah.**

_Ugetsu: Yeah, so... But you’re busy so it’s okay._

**Akihiko: I can be there in 15.**

_Ugetsu: You don’t have to honestly._

**Akihiko: It’s okay. Probably can’t stay for long but I can go by for a bit.**

_Ugetsu: I shouldn’t have messaged. Sorry. Don’t worry about it._

**Akihiko: I said it was fine.**

_Ugetsu: Are you sure?_

**Akihiko: Yes.**

_Ugetsu: Okay. Thank you._

Akihiko figured it was fine to go and help out Ugetsu before meeting Haruki's sister. It sounded like a quick moment of furniture and he would have hours to spare before the dinner date, making it back to his beloved Haruki. He wanted to find Haruki beforehand though to explain the situation at hand. He quickly hid the hair braiding kit in his coat's pocket and went back to where he had seen Haruki last.

  
  


Haruki smiled brightly when he saw Akihiko approaching. “Are you back already? Did you find your set of glasses? I did find this beautiful dinnerware set. And it’s on sale!” Haruki held up a box showing a beautifully decorated set of plates and bowls.

“Uh, not really." Akihiko frowned, forgetting that was what he was meant to be looking for. "And yeah that looks cool... By the way, would you mind if I cut this trip short and then just met you for dinner later?”

“Sure...?" Haruki's smile dropped ever so slightly. "Did something happen?”

“Ugetsu messaged.” Akihiko sighed.

“Ah." Haruki looked down at the box he was holding, "' Didn’t know you two were still in contact...”

“We aren’t really, but he messaged out of nowhere.” Akihiko shrugged.

“I see. What did he want?”

“Said he bought this furniture but needs help with it.” 

“So he asked you for help and you agreed to go?” Haruki asked.

Akihiko wasn't sure if he was imagining it but he could sense some hostility in those words. “I mean I figured he must be desperate since he reached out to me and probably doesn’t have anyone else.”

“Right.”

“It wouldn’t take very long. I told him I couldn’t stay the whole day.” Akihiko tried to reassure his boyfriend.

“Okay.”

“Is that to me going over there or?”

“Well, you already agreed so…" Haruki shrugged his shoulders, but it felt superficial. "And you say you’ll make it back before dinner?”

“Yeah, I will.”

“‘Cause you know my sister will hate it if you’re incredibly late.”

“Your sister or you?” Akihiko joked, trying to lighten a seemingly dampen mood.

“Both. She hates people being late and you were the one who kept pushing to meet my family members, remember? You can’t bail on me now. Unless we reschedule. Could try and cal-”

Akihiko butted in: “No. It can still be tonight. And that’s because I wanted to and still do. This was just something I didn’t see coming but I’ll be there.”

“Okay then. I’ll see you at dinner, I guess.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be? It’s fine. We were just shopping for dumb kitchen stuff.” Haruki laughed under his breath but Akihiko didn't like how he said it was dumb.

“It’s not dumb.”

“Whatever, it’s fine. See you at dinner.”

Akihiko watched Haruki. He seemed disappointed.

“I’ll make it up to you,” Akihiko promised.

“You don’t have to. I said it’s fine.” 

“Okay. I’ll text you throughout it. Sorry, this came up again.” Akihiko didn't seem convinced still, but couldn't do much about it since he had already agreed to help Ugetsu.

“Yeah, it’s alright.” 

“If anything happens though, do call me and I’ll come back to you right away.” 

“What could possibly happen?” Haruki frowned. 

“I don’t know… But I’m just saying.” 

“Okay.”

“I’m off then. I love you. See you at dinner.” Akihiko leans down and kisses Haruki on the top of his head.

“Love you too, Aki.”

***

Akihiko was late.

Haruki was waiting outside the restaurant for both his elder sister and Akihiko to arrive. His sister had texted him saying she would be there in 10 minutes which was fine. Akihiko on the other hand...

Akihiko had been texting Haruki here and there but stopped around 5 pm. Haruki didn't mind as most of the text messages were Akihiko complaining about Ugetsu's manners and how he couldn't understand why he lived there for so long, but when the messages stopped being so frequent, his mind wondered. He knew Akihiko wouldn’t betray him per se, but he might have rediscovered why he was attracted to Ugetsu in the first place. Haruki tried not to worry too much but the anxiety kept weighing him down, making him overthink the last few months of his and Akihiko’s relationship.

He finally snapped out of his thoughts when he saw his sister coming towards him. She was older, yet slightly shorter than he was, with similar long blonde, braided hair. She waved at him from afar, smiling widely, then ran up to Haruki and embraced him in a massive hug, just like she always did.

A flurry of sentences came out of his sister’s mouth rapidly. “It’s been so long since we’ve done this. I’m so excited. Where’s your beau? Is he inside already?”

“Not yet. Something came up earlier when we were shopping but he should be here soon.” Haruki smiled thinly. 

“Oh?” Haruki’s sister put her hands on her hips mockingly, “Something more important than meeting your boyfriend’s sister?”

“The world doesn’t revolve around you, Onēsan.” Haruki rolled his eyes.

“Jeez, I was joking. Will he show up though? I’m really looking forward to meeting him.”

“Yeah, he will.”

“Okay good. Truly can’t wait to meet the man who stole my little brother’s heart.” Haruki’s sister grinned.

Haruki scratched the back of his head, looking down to conceal his blush. “Anyway, are we going in or?”

“Of course. After you, Otōto.” 

They walked into the restaurant and waited to be escorted to their seats. Haruki kept checking his phone every few minutes to see if Akihiko had said anything. It was like waiting for a ticking bomb to go off. 

“So what’s been going on with you since I last saw you?” Haruki’s sister asked as she sat down.

“I mean, not much. Still with the band and we’ve been playing some more shows.”

“And you got a boyfriend.” 

“And I got a boyfriend.” Haruki looked at his phone again, his stomach was gnawing at him, and he couldn’t stop moving his leg up and down.

“Tell me more about him.” His sister’s voice pulled him away from his phone, soothing him a little.

“Why are you so interested in my love life...?” Haruki joked.

“Well, isn’t that why we’re here today?” She had a point but Haruki didn’t want to talk about Akihiko, he wanted him there with him, talking to his sister and making her laugh. 

Where was he?

“Yeah but…” Haruki shrugged, “it’s not like we haven’t gone out to dinner just the two of us before.”

“I know that but tonight is different. The sole purpose of our meeting here was so you’d finally introduce me to your boyfriend.” His sister pointed at the empty chair next to him, making Haruki feel more anxious at Akihiko’s whereabouts.

“Well, yes...”

“Then tell me more about him. What kind of person is he? Isn’t it great being around him all the time because you’re both in the same band? Actually I did see that one photo you posted. Not just saying this as your sister but he’s really hot. You’ve done well.”

“Uh... I guess.” Haruki nervously smiled. He couldn’t stop thinking about how Akihiko should be answering these questions himself, sitting in the chair next to him. He checked his phone for what felt the hundredth time and saw nothing. He couldn’t believe Akihiko still wasn’t there with them.

“You don’t have to tell me about him if you don’t want to. It’s okay. I can just ask him myself when he comes.” Haruki’s sister leaned across the table and placed her hand on top of her brothers. Haruki smiled at that.

“Right... What about you, though? What have you been up to?”

“Oh, you know. Same old, same old. I’ve been thinking I wanna move out and get a new place, though.”

“Oh?” Haruki raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah, maybe something closer to the city.”

“Ah, that’d be nice.” 

“Yeah...”

“It’s getting kind of late... Let me message him again real quick.”

Haruki decided to message Akihiko one last time, hoping he would get a response. They both waited, watching the phone like hawks. His sister gave him an apologetic look which tore him apart. Akihiko had insisted on meeting Haruki’s elder sister and for what? Just to give himself a bad impression. He smiled sadly and opened up his menu, finally figuring out what to order.

***

Akihiko was sprinting down the sidewalks and back alleys of downtown Tokyo and jumping into traffic at the pedestrian crosswalks in the pouring rain. His lungs were on fire from the cold air he was inhaling, yet his legs were being fueled by the adrenaline flowing through his body to get to Haruki and his sister. The sound of his feet hitting the puddled pavement became a steady rhythm his drummer ears could follow as he focused on navigating his way through the city.

Ugetsu didn’t tell him how many pieces of furniture he had ordered before he arrived and it was a lot, but he knew he couldn’t back out after traveling all the way to Ugetsu’s place. Akihiko told Ugetsu they needed to put everything up as quickly as possible and received a small thank you in return. The deafening silence was awkward at first but it meant they could get on with the task at hand. Akihiko took breaks to keep Haruki updated but his phone suddenly died late in the afternoon. They still hadn’t completed everything and Akihiko didn’t want to leave the job unfinished. They carried on, Ugetsu telling him the time every once in a while but they soon forgot and lost track of time, resulting in Akihiko running for his life- literally.

Akihiko turned the corner of the street the restaurant was on and slid to a stop. Haruki was standing there with an umbrella in his hand and his phone in the other, shoulders slumped, looking down at the ground. He looked up at the sound of Akihiko approaching him, his eyes seemed cold.

Akihiko had majorly fucked up, he knew it. 

“Hey, what are you doing out here? It’s pouring!” Akihiko pointed to the sky, backing up his point. He tried to get under Haruki's umbrella but he pulled away. 

He had only ever seen so much hurt in Haruki’s eyes once and he had made a vow to never hurt Haruki again, yet standing before him he could see he had failed. “Why do you think?”

“I know I’m late.”

“Late is an understatement,” Haruki stated. The tension between them was thick. 

“Is your sister still around?” Akihiko asked but only received a snorted response. His heart was hammering inside his chest, “I’m sorry. Turns out it wasn’t just one thing Ugetsu needed help with but he ordered a bunch of shit and I lost track of time. And then my phone died. Can we go inside? We can talk better that way.”

“No, I’m actually going home. I was just waiting to see if you’d show up.” Haruki turned to leave and Akihiko almost moved to grab him but didn’t want to hurt his boyfriend anymore.

“Haru, I’m so sorry.” He shouted, “I swear I lost track of time and he had more shit than I realized.”

Haruki stopped and turned around, walking back to Akihiko. “That’s just how it’s always gonna be, isn’t it?”

Akihiko frowned. “What?” 

“You’re always going to be there for him whenever he needs something. And you won’t hesitate to drop whatever it is you’re doing to go help him.”

“You told me you were okay with me going to help him.” 

“Yeah, after you assured me you’d make it back by dinner.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Can I make it up to you? I’ll take you and your sister out next week. We ca-”

Haruki raised his hands, signaling for Akihiko to stop. “No, it’s fine. She was very curious about you, by the way. I basically ended up answering questions that were meant to be for you.” 

Akihiko sighed. He had royally fucked up. “I’m sorry.”

“You keep saying that,” Haruki whispered. 

“Because I am.”

“Are you?”

“Of course I am!" Akihiko cried out. The sound of rain hitting his boyfriend's umbrella thundered above his voice. His clothes were completely soaked through making him shiver slightly. "Jesus. I didn’t mean to stand both of you up. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone to him in the first place. I should have stayed with you.”

“The problem isn’t that you went because I know I told you to go. It’s that you stayed with him despite the fact that we had plans.” His boyfriend cried out.

“I know. I’m sorry. I lost track of time.” Akihiko pleaded.

“Again, you keep saying that.”

Akihiko bowed his head, running his hand through his wet hair. “I don’t know what else I can say.” 

“You don’t have to say anything.”

“How can I fix this?”

Haruki looked off into the distance, opened his mouth then closed it again. He shook his head slightly and shrugged his shoulders. Even in pain, he looked beautiful. Akihiko tried not to reach out in case it made everything worse but he wanted to hold his boyfriend at that moment.

“Haru, please.”

Haru looked at Akihiko dead in the eye. “Are you still in love with him?”

“What? Who? Ugetsu? No, are you being serious right now?” Akihiko scoffed. 

“Okay then let me rephrase that. Do you love him? Do you care for him?” 

“It’s... complicated.” Akihiko sighed.

“How so?”

“You know how. I’m sure there are ex’s you still care about.”

“Maybe…" Haruki nodded, "but not in the way you still care for him. And after all this time...”

“Me going there today didn’t mean anything, though, if that’s what you’re implying.”

“Are you sure about that?” Haruki tilted his head. 

“Haru, are you fucking kidding me? Of course. I love you. I’m in love with you. And no one else. Ugetsu doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.”

“You just said it was complicated.”

“Because it is! I don’t hate him but I also don’t feel anything towards him.” Akihiko pleaded with his eyes as he looked at his boyfriend. He wanted to reach out and hold Haruki and kiss all the pain away. But he knew he couldn't. 

“I see.”

“I don’t want him the way I want you, Haru. I never did. And I’d never let him get between us.” Akihiko made sure to put emphasis on the never, hoping it was enough to convince Haruki.

“Okay..." Haruki sighed once more, "It’s getting late so… I should probably get home.” 

“Haru...” Akihiko reached out his hand. Haruki looked at it then looked into Akihiko's eyes. There was still so much pain written all over them. Akihiko studied them and realized they were puffy. He had made his boyfriend cry. He hadn't done that in a very long time.

“Can I take you home?” Akihiko asked softly.

“No, it’s okay. You should probably go back home yourself considering how horrible the weather is right now.” 

“I love you, Haru. You’re the only one for me.” Akihiko wanted to get that across. Haruki really was the love of his life.

“Okay.”

“Can we talk more about this later?”

“Maybe... I don’t know. I’ll see you later.”

“Haru...” Akihiko choked, the desperation coming through in his voice.

“Akihiko, please.” Haruki shook his head, unsure of what to do.

“Okay." Akihiko brought his arms over his head, trying not to feel like all hope was lost. "I’m sorry.” 

“I know,” Haruki whispered. He looked at Akihiko one last time and turned, walking away from him. Akihiko stood there in the pouring rain, watching his boyfriend disappear.


End file.
